Jay

Not to be confused whit jay A user in the Homestar runner wiki

Jay
help me
Some attributes
Gender	Male
Race	Human
Hair Color	Brown
First appearance	Pilot
Relationships	Denise (Wife)
Status	Living
Other attributes
Voice	Richard Gordon
Family	Father (Unnamed)
Weapons	Laser Gun

Jay is the main protagonist of the series in Deep Space 69 from Mondo Mini Shows series, along as best friend and partner named Hamilton.

Personality

Jay is a smug, womanizing space captain, whose primary purpose in life revolves around him getting laid with sexy girls, which results in various misadventures across the universe as his libido often interferes with mission priorities. Jay typically goes after missions and adventures that give him the best chances of getting laid, and he will often ignore safety regulations or Hamilton's advice when doing so. Throwing things into the ship's air lock is a frequent habit of Jay's.

Jay appears to fear commitment to the girls he has sex with, often leaving them behind by any means necessary. This lack of commitment is alluded to be due to the death of his first girlfriend. The Galactic Bonesmen arc does show that he has some degree of respect for women, however, as he disapproves of the Bonesmen's hypnosis methods to have sex with girls. Jay explains that his father taught him one thing: "cheap tricks, small dicks."

Jay tends to drag Hamilton around on his sexual exploits and misadventures, much to Hamilton's dismay. He generally disregards Hamilton's advise, tends to blow him off, and is generally is a poor friend. This comes to ahead in The Panty Christ, when Hamliton become so fed up with Jay's antics and disregard for others that he shoots him (with what turned out to be a fake weapon). Afterwards, Jay admits that he's been a poor friend (though not deserving of murder) and resolves to try and be better--after shooting Hamilton in the foot with a live pistol. Occasionally, Jay has shown that he cares about Hamilton, saying that even though he's the last of his species, that makes him the best of his species.

While outwardly happy and carefree, Jay appears to be self loathing and at least someone unhappy internally. This is hinted at in Astro Blast Past when he reminisces the loss of Eve before the shape shifter reenters his cabin. In Koalifications, when Jay sees a Mimo, which are shape shifters that appear to the viewer as the thing they hate most, he sees himself. When Jay is on a vision quest while "tripping balls", at one point he ends up climbing a giant pair of breasts. He remarks that he doesn't feel sexual, only happy and asks, "Is this what happiness feels like?"

Eve's death could explain his unhappiness, and his need to have sex with nearly every woman he meets is an attempt to fill the void in his heart.

History

As revealed in the Astro Past Blast arc, Jay originally had a girlfriend in Space Academy named Eve, who went into space on a student exchange program. Shortly after, Jay met Hamilton and the two became fast friends. Although neither had piloted a spaceship before, they decided to journey to Hamilton's home planet after learning via the news that it was under attack - by a twist of fate, Eve had been assigned there for her exchange program. Sadly, the two were too late to save their loved ones, who had died in the crossfire.

Eve is the only woman he admits his love to, she may be the sole reason why he can't bond with any woman, and maybe he tries to numb that pain with oversleeping with others.

Not much else is known about Jay's history, although he once claimed his father was a "legendary lady lancer" like himself.

Nothing has been elaborated yet, but it is hinted that Jay was sent away in s space pod when he was a baby. While Jay was on a vision quest while "tripping balls", he reverts to a baby that is put in a space pod and sent into away by the Panda Leader. In a previous episode, this pod as well as baby Jay also briefly flashes before Jay's eyes after they free a Celesteon seed in Sperms of Endearment.

Description

Jay usually has short brown hair, wears a blue and light blue shirt, and dark pants. As of season 4, Jay's skin has tanned slightly (there is no explanation for this).

Abilities

Above all else, Jay prizes his manhood and ability in bed. As demonstrated, his erect penis was hard enough to crack a giant crystal that powered the Galactic Bonesmen's spaceship. Despite his philandering ways, females he encounters do seem to enjoy his company and skills in bed.

He constantly comments about "hardness of his penis" and appears to have an erection almost all the time. Based on the evidence it can be theorized that Jay might be ill with PGAD (Persistent genital arousal disorder), a.k.a Weiss disease, a mental disorder the victim of which suffers from constant arousal off their genitals and require constant sexual contact for ease (though temporarily). It is not known what causes this disorder but, one of the theories suggest it is caused by a mental trauma (presumably Eve's death in this case).

Jay has demonstrated some proficiency with firearms and swords, although how much is actually attributable to skill or dumb luck is unknown.

Throughout seasons 1-3, Jay 's penis has shown to have pretty spectacular powers beyond it's boning prowess. In Astro Blast Past, after falling on a magic stone, he gains the power to explode a flying beast by thrusting his crotch at it. His jizz can be lethal, as he's used it to explode Herman's tentacle, as well as punch a hole through and kill a guard (season 4).

In season 4, Jay discovers that he has powers beyond bedding skills and plot armor. In The Parable of Shaftocles, Jay is told he has powers yet to be awakened, which he manages to do briefly one a strong punch. While "tripping balls" in Full Metal Koala, Jay unlocks more of his powers which grants him super strength, flight, and the ability to erect and energy barrier...at least until the high wears off. Later, Hamilton remarks that maybe P3-NIS' prophecy that Jay is The Chosen One and savior may not be a load of crap after all.

Jay´s pennis skeleton

Trivia

• The character is very similar to Captain James T. Kirk from Star Trek and Zapp Brannigan from Futurama  for their womanizing ways and is designed to look like Han Solo much like how Hamilton is designed to resemble the latter's co-pilot, Chewbacca.
• Jay's design appears to be based off a Lego humanoid.

• According to some fans, he bears resemblance to Steve from "Minecraft" and Jeff from "Clarence".
• So far, Jay has had sex with every woman he's talked to, with the exception of the Goddess (that we saw) in Genesis 3:69. Dock Blocker has two endings. In the regular version he also doesn't have sex with the captain as they leave after entering the wrong dock. However, in the unrated version they do board the ship and he does have sex with her. The whole episode can be considered an allegory to Jay's dislike of protected sex.
• As a fun fact, Jay might in fact be mentally ill with a disease called "satyriasis." A person is unable to control their sexual libido. Cause of this can be psychological trauma, which, in Jay's case may be unbearable guilt of losing his crush Eve.

Quotes

• "Nnnnnnnnnnnnnice!"
• "Anything is possible if you believe in your penis!"
• "Ooooh... right, right, right, right, right, right."
• "Stop! That's my pee pee! We do things together. Fun things!"
• "Live by the boner, die by the boner."
• "Cheap tricks, small dicks."
• "Only one rule on my party ship. You party hard, or you go out the airlock."
• ".What's the hardest part about air-locking a lady-blob? My penis."
• "Hamilton, there is no try, only do....ing her in the butt. We have to go back."
• "I live for nothing, life itself is a hell. Sexuality is but a disguise for my deep, ugly loathing for this mortal realm, Hamilton."

1/13